“Adventures With Nancy”

Be warned.  The following is an accurate portrayal of events that happened March 27 and March 28, 2009.  Funny as hell though.

Adventure: “She’s a regular!”

So it’s a Friday night and my best friend’s and I are kid free.  So my wife, our best friends (Terry and Dina), and I pile into the van to head out for dinner.

As we are about to leave the town we live in (McDade), we stop at the stop sign and wait to cross 290 (major highway that runs through the town).  This strange lady with a cell-phone to her ear starts walking up to the van.  So Dina cracks the window.

Fact:  The cell-phone was off; discovered later.

Dina - “Do you need help?”

“Oh, my prayers have been answered, someone is stopping.  Let me let you go.”  Strange lady talking into cell phone then turns to address us.  “Please don’t hurt me.  I’m so scared.  My car broke down a few miles back and I don’t know what to do.  My husband is a priest who was attending a conference in Waco.  His car was hit by an 18-wheeler and they don’t know if my son will make it through the night.  I really need to get to Waco.  I have a friend who will lend me their truck, but I can’t get there.”

Hmm.  A PRIEST you say?  Really?  Your HUSBAND?

Dina – “Well….  Um...” (Looks at us for the okay.)  “We can give you a life to Elgin if that’s all you need.  Charles, can you move into the back seat?”

“Oh thank you, I’m so scared, thank you.” Lady starts walking around van and sees my wife.  “I’m so scared because I’m pregnant.”

My wife is noticeably eight months pregnant.  The strange-lady didn’t ‘remember’ her pregnancy until she saw Lara.

I take the seat directly behind her because she isn’t taking her hands away from her purse.  The minute a gun popped out I was going to snap her neck.  Scary thought?  My wife and friends knew without my saying anything that was the reason I took the seat behind her.

So she gets into the van and as soon as we start moving she starts going on and on about how she’s been to three or four gas stations, but all she has is the checks from the church and none of the gas stations will accept the Houston checks because they are out of area. 

Then it becomes “If you have just a little money to get me from Elgin to Waco.  I can borrow the truck but I have to put gas in it.”  And further still. “Oh, I can write you a check if you could get money from an atm, I don’t mind.  It’s just these checks are all I have.”

Fact:  Between Giddings (town in the direction she came from) and Elgin, there are only three gas stations in the direction she was driving.  She had only passed one of them.  Three or four huh?

So we tell her the honest truth.  A few times.  Like a dozen.  “We don’t carry cash.”  “No, seriously.  We only use our checkcards.  We don’t have any cash, and don’t really have access to it right now, we are a little strapped for cash.”

Well, as soon as she knew there was no-way she was getting money out of us, she pointed at a random house “Wait stop!  I know those people!  I know they’ll let me borrow their car!  Drop me off here!”  So we stop the car, but she doesn’t make any move to get out.  Just keeps asking for more money.  Then she holds her hand up for a second and flips the cell-phone to her head for 2-3 seconds (at MOST) and pretends to listen.

In Adam Sandler Waterboy styled voice (seriously, it was hilarious):  “Well um… my momma sez, momma sez if you could just give me 20 dollars… momma sez that would be enough to get me to Waco.  Momma, uh… momma sez I can just write you a check from the church.”

This is where I noticed the cell-phone was off, but even if it wasn’t.  Her mom would have had to fire off words faster than a gatling gun to get all that out in just a few seconds.

So we leave her there and drive to the nearest gas station (which was less than a mile from where we picked her up), filled up, and headed back the way we came.  Sure enough, she was still standing out here with her cell phone to her ear trying to flag down cars.  So I did the good-citizen thing (I didn’t want her raped and killed), and I called the cops.

“Yeah, there’s a lady on 290 between McDade and the gas-station right outside who’s trying to flag down cars and scam them for gas money.”

“Oh yeah, that’s Nancy.  She’s a regular.  We already have two officers en route.  Oh, and thanks for calling.”  *CLICK* (Hung up on me.  How rude.)

Adventure NEXT: “You’re taking the bus how FAR???!?!?”

So after the first adventure, we head to dinner and decide we want to go bowling afterwards.  But the girls don’t have socks.  So we stop at Wal-mart and the wives stay in the car while Terry and I run to go buy some socks.

While Dina is reading Lara the kids school-menu for next week, she looks up and there’s a lady in a hoodie just talking away as-if Dina can hear her with the windows closed and the radio on.  So Dina locks the doors, and cracks the window.

My wife SWEARS it was Nancy.  Seriously swears.  Dina couldn’t tell.

Dina - “Can I help you?”

Lady – Sob sob sob story: “My daughter is sick and I have to get back to Ohio so I can be with her.  The bus ticket costs $710.00 and all I have is $3.00.  Is there anything you could do to help?”

Fact:  From San Diego, California to Ontario, Canada you are probably looking at a less than $600.00 ticket.  This lady is asking for a ticket on something less than a 24 hour drive.

From Greyhound:     (Austin, TX to Cleveland, Ohio.  Leaving today, round-trip)

So Dina rolls up the window and drives off without saying another word to the lady.

Seriously.  Think up better (or more accurate) stories people.

Adventure TRY:  “The entertainment value?”

So it is now late afternoon Saturday.  We’ve had so much fun all day telling everyone, including a good family friend named Pam, the “adventures with Nancy”.  It was a great laugh, and we couldn’t stop.  Keep that in mind.  Pam has HEARD the entire story.

So Pam leaves to go get some more supplies and lunch, and gets flagged down by a lady with a cell-phone on her ear standing next to a red beat-to-hell El Camino*.  She gives the exact same sob story from Friday night to Pam.

So Pam, being the kind-hearted person she is, put’s five dollars worth of gas in the lady’s car and tells her that if she’ll follow Pam to the next gas-station, her husband is there getting gas/supplies and he’ll be able to send the woman to Waco with a full tank.

Obviously, that red el camino kept going right on down the road when Pam stopped to pull in and meet her hubby.

I <3 Pam very much as she is such a sweet lady, but did she give Nancy five bucks for the entertainment value?  I mean, she knew from talking to us she was getting scammed.  Didn’t she?

When I asked her that exact question, Pam really wasn’t sure why she gave the chick five bucks. 

*Red El Camino – Boy, that sounds like the Lexus from story one, doesn’t it?  The two cars are basically the same.

Definitely says something about the state of our economy on how common this is becoming.